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Everyone with any sense of social skills knows a smile can go a long way. To quickly summarize - 

 Smiling overcomes barriers and open doors for people. A sincere smile is a message of goodwill, and is considered a sign of hospitality and confidence when dealing with a friend or a business associate.  - Link 

But, a smile does a lot more than just impress or welcome one person your interacting with. It shows the whole room, conference, locker room, classroom, etc that your a warm and confident person. A brief genuine smile can disarm a whole group of people looking to make judgments. A brief genuine smile can be that one signal to a stranger that your a nice person to deal with.

We need to focus on making a solid impression on those we are directly interacting with and those on the sidelines deciding in their head if your worth interacting with. 

You've got to have that feeling of expecting to crush it.

Not that feeling of worry and insecurity.

Sure you'll be anxious, but anxious to succeed and conquer, not anxious about the possibility of failing. 

Serendipitous twists-n-turns and challenges will arise...

But you know that you will crush it whatever it is.

If you don't have that feeling, how can you be mentally prepared to take full advantage of the opportunities around you?

You can't, so go out and do some crushing. 

Volunteer for this, volunteer for that. Play this sport. Try this, try that. Go lead this group and this one too. Make some money; film and/or caddy. Get impressive grades. Make yourself a more recruitable student athlete. Etc.

This was the exhausting and never ending cycle that I got caught up in during my first three years of high school. I got consumed by it. When driven individuals have blinders on often times much good (projects, accomplishments, ideas, $) comes from it, but sometimes they become unaware of the most important stuff around them. I could see that I was pushing some of the more important stuff in life to wayside but this cycle of improvement and involvement unfortunately became my priority. Until,

I took my blinders off. I realized I was only making dozens of "good" relationships with few "great" ones in between. As a highly sociable and curious person I realized I should be making far more of these great, satisfying connections. I then decided to pursue turning some of the good relationships into great ones, long term and meaningful ones, by limiting my involvement in the countless on and off the field things I was doing.

Why though? Because as I thought about it this summer, I, like the vast majority of others, are at their happiest when we are interacting with people we find interesting, fun, attractive, smart, etc. The actual activity matters little; it's the people we do it with. Whether it's golf, attending class, a team sport, or work, we want to be surrounded by "great" people. 

Starting this summer I started tailoring almost everything I did around people. It didn't matter how much success I was having in lacrosse, nor how much money I was making this summer, I still enjoyed myself the most when I met new people or hung with some lax teammates. I tried to focus on "investing in experiences" rather than material possessions because experiences with other people give us the opportunity to remissness and look forward to a future event with anticipation. 

Money spent on experiences - vacations or theater tickets or meals out - makes you happier than money spent on material goods.

Why? For one thing, Van Boven and Gilovich argue, experiences are inherently more social - when we vacation or eat out or go to the movies it's usually with other people, and we're liable also to relive the experience when we see those people again. And past experiences can work as a sort of social adhesive even with people who didn't participate with us, providing stories and conversational fodder in a way that a new watch or speedboat rarely can.          - The Frontal Cortex

And, as I start college in 3 days, people, will be my top priority, whether it be new classmates, teachers or teammates. Maybe I'll be able to do something that I haven't chosen to do in the past...just hang out and chill. 

Both my twitter and blog bio's state that I am an "aspiring entrepreneur." Why?

Ah, college starts in 6.5 weeks from now.

I'll be entering Babson in the fall as a frosh and I'm definitely looking forward to it. Four years of high school were great at St. John's but everyone says college is the best four years of your life, right?

I've got a lot of goals and things going for me even before I take my orientation before Memorial Day. 

- Immediate social circle with varsity lacrosse teammates.

- Class schedule is looking solid. Good variety, all early morning ones too

- Babson one day summer "mini-orientation" went well, met a lot of cool, interesting people

- Will be working at Wellesley C.C, right across the street during the fall

- Connected with a community engagement officer at Babson and will have a high paying job just for doing service around the school and community

- Become CEO of the one freshmen classes self created business in FME (Foundations of Management and Entrepreneurship.)

- Met the president of the college. Will be a great resource and asset in years to come.

- Starting to plan out a ridiculous number of goals and activities I want to get involved with.

- volunteer/intern for MetroLacrosse - a youth lacrosse program for inner city youth in Boston

- take Mandarin Chinese (continue my 3 yrs of study) at Wellesley College

- really get connected within Boston entrepreneurial and innovation scene. (I know of and follow many individuals within the community but I want to get out to the events and shake their hand.)

- intern or preferably work for a tech/internet related Boston start-up

To address the last point, I (unfortunately) hope that I don't take on all this stuff at once. I was basically non-stop, go-go-go in high school volunteering, trying new things and taking on responsibilities that really put a burden of my enjoyment and social life. I hope to shape out a nice balance between the demanding academics, varsity athletics, social scene and intense ambitions that I have. 

Bottom Line Though: I fully expect to take full advantage of what Babson offers while at the same time having a great time meeting new people and having new experiences.

“A hungry donkey approaches a barn one day looking for hay and discovers two haystacks of identical size at the two opposite sides of the barn. The donkey stands in the middle of the barn between the two haystacks, not knowing which to select. Hours go by, but he still can’t make up his mind. Unable to decide, the donkey eventually dies of starvation.”

One of Dan Ariely’s latest books, Predictably Irrational, has numerous thought provoking studies and conclusions on human behavior. The one area of discussion that I found most interesting was the idea that as individuals, we like to “keep doors open” (options/choices) in many aspects of our daily lives.

We often times fail to come to decisive conclusions about what college we want to enroll in, which latest smart phone we should in invest it or what career path to take? This indecisiveness arises when we have both multiple or two options available to us.

We get stuck in what I call “analysis paralysis”; a state of mind in which where your brain races furiously trying to make a decision often times in regards to a small or trivial detail. (As your friend/parents are itching to leave the store, you stand there thinking, “Should I go with the black on black golf shoes or should I go with the equally priced black on grey?”)

As I read more and more about psychology and how the human brain operates I have become much more aware of my own decision making, both irrational and rational. Since reading Justin Lehr’s “How We Decide” and this Dan Ariely book, I have tried to become more decisive in the decisions or mistakes I make. For example:

When approaching a golf hole that has multiple strategies to playing it, I decide within a few seconds of when I step on the tee box which shot and therefore strategy I will utilize.

When driving to an unfamiliar location using GPS, if I miss a turn or signal, I simply follow the GPS’ re-routing so that I’m not trying furiously to get back to where I missed the directions. I might loose a few minutes of time, but it saves me from anxiously backtracking and worrying.

I’ve also tried to consider “the consequences of not deciding.” When we take extended durations of time to make decisions in our lives we are often times sacrificing valuable time, money or experiences. We tend to over think such small details that really have a negligible impact in the long run on our happiness or well being.

My point here is not that we shouldn't take due diligence when it comes to important decisions. My point, but mostly Dan Ariely’s, is that we over think the little crap in our lives. Take the time needed, but don’t linger around with indecision. Pick a door, go through it and make the most of whatever awaits on the other side.  

You can follow me at my Twitter page, contact me via LinkedIn or email me. 

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I know, trust me, the doctor recently expressed this sentiment when trying to locate my 45bpm hear rate. 

But I also know that the followers of this blog might not be able to trace the pulse of my published content. I know it's erratic and I'm sorry (maybe?). I've got a lot going on but who doesn't these days?

I can't promise any regular publishing like Seth Godin (1x/day) or Mitch Joel (6x/week) admirably do. I'll do my best to create quality observations, thoughts or questions as they come to my brain.

And this is a perfect segway into my latest thought:

FEED YOUR BRAIN WHEN IT IS HUNGRY

Hopefully your mind is hungry for knowledge, understanding and experiences often. But just as our stomachs are not constantly aching for sustenance, your mind isn't either. 

So, when you get that creative spark or spontaneous motivation GO read relevant blogs/books/articles, listen to podcasts, and watch TED, BigThink, or PopTech videos. Feed your mind when it picks up the menu, not when it's perfectly content with resting. Don't regularly schedule mundane reading sessions or lecture watching just for the sake of doing so. You'll be disinterested and likely retain little of the content. 

Here's a question for you in the comments: When do you feed your mind and What do you feed it?

Feel free to email me ryandawidjan@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter, @ryandawidjan

Why? I really dislike bandwagon jumpers;

Those who jump in on a conversation midway when a news report/story/scandal/debate is being explained and then they suddenly just start being one sided agreeing with the speaker, usually never adding valuable context to the dialogue, just opinionated negative statements. 

They hear a newspaper headline, a scrolling 15 word text alert on the tv, or a mention on the radio and then they think they're experts on the situation to a point where they can immediately start to dish blame/criticism.

In Ben Casnocha's recent blog post about watching a recent online interview he stated, "Whether you agree or disagree isn't the point and don't interpret this as an endorsement of Chomsky's views. I don't have opinions on these issues until I become more informed." 

I love this statement - "I don't have opinions on these issues until I become more informed." It's not ignorance on his part [he didn't go out of his way to not know], he simply didn't know enough the ongoing situation and to his credit, he wants to make an informed opinion at a later time when he has better context, facts and understanding of what's going on. 

I think we should all take this conscious effort to not make uninformed or silly remarks about something we know little about or just one side of. While at the same time I don't believe we need to be top experts in a discipline/field/subject area to make an informed opinion; we should bite our tongues more often 'till we actually have a clue. 

It's hard to resist jumping on the bandwagon. Media outlets obviously have bias and want higher viewer ratings - they're going to frame a story so that it is controversial and newsworthy. Another thing that makes it hard to resist being a band wagon jumper is we often get that question, "So Ryan, what do you think about those budget cuts that will shorten the school day?". It's extremely easy to say, "Ya Steve, that's horrible. I can't believe what the selectmen were thinking. How can they take away educating our children?" 

Instead you could say, "You know Steve, its a very important matter that we need to address. I personally don't know enough details about the decision but let me get back to you with my thoughts when I know a little more about both sides of the story."

Don't be a bandwagon jumper - just an individual who chooses to make informed opinion at the right time.

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I'll admit I'm a bandwagon jumper sometimes when it comes to playoff sports; Bruins and Red Sox. Very little attention is paid to them during the regular season :)

Do it immediately.

Just ask.

Ask your coach, mentor, boss, boyfriend/girlfriend, mom, or best friend what you need to improve on. We're not perfect; almost everyone acknowledges it. To continually improve, learn and grow we need to know what to work on. If your not consciously focusing your efforts on becoming a better "X" everyday, your falling behind.

It really shouldn't be hard to go up and say, "Coach, what are three things I need to work on right now to become a better player and contributor to the team?". Why? Because you know he/she is going to have some form of constructive criticism; it's guaranteed that you'll be weak in at least one area. So just know keep in mind whether you, the captain or all american is asking for feedback, all three will get something to work on.

It's frustrating to see talented individuals doing good work in their field or job but never be able to cast aside their fear of acknowledging imperfection to ask, "What can I be doing better?" so that they can become great. Have a strong desire to know why you weren't awarded that industry award or why were you weren't selected as an All-star.

Not only will this technique help you focus on your improving weaknesses or strengthening your strengths, it will also keep you grounded. Having 2-3 things that you need to work on lingering in the back of your head will instill some humility, something that the vast majority of people in today's world need.

If Tiger can re-tool his swing and Kobe can make changes to his jump shot in the 13th year of his career  - so can you.